aita for uninviting my stepdad

Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. I wonder what they would do if OP was engaged to a big dude with anger issues. NTA. And I'd take it all the way to the wedding unless there's a huge apology to your man and they back off for real. Slashing tires? Right?! The tire slashing would of been enough for me to cut my family out. He stole my moms car a few times and stole from me. Theyve done damage to private property and have threatened the life of your fianc. I had my first asthma attack when I was 5, and I don't know when this whole "test" thing starts in your family, but it has the potential to kill your future kids. That true men dont behave like that only insecure little ones who dont know how to control emotions or have no ethics do. That's what I was thinking & why I suggested elopement. In these sort of situations whatever he does will never be enough to measure up to people like that, and the narrow view of what "makes a man" is dumb and categorically untrue in this day and age anyway. Yeah i would have been off the fence after the tires. NTA. NTA. Thats not pranking. My asthma is not that severe but Ive been there I really needed the inhaler. Dude yta for allowing this to go on as long as it has. in addition to all of this also remember that there is a reason why married men live longer and the "nagging" wife who insists that they go see a doctor is a huge part of why. Stand your ground; theyre wrong, and ridiculously immature. Tell them that real men don't need such immature posturing. Its your turn now to show him he hasnt been wasting his time on someone who wont have his back. Exactly. You should have given your dad and brother some kind of excuse for why Tim couldnt go camping. I dont envy her position, but her fianc deserves far better than this. Why aren't you protecting your fiance from these assholes? . They owe the both of you a bit apology but the trust is broken. They should be ashamed of themselves. Put it back on them. The next step would be giving him flowers that set off his asthma. Send them all links for information about consequences of their behaviour regarding his inhaler. Cookie Notice They probably feel less than because he's a college boy (that's the thing they have pointed out) so they are all proving that they are actually real men while he isn't. NTA. NTA. Your family sucks. Oh gotcha, that makes much more sense then. I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Take it from someone who has a nonexistent relationship with their sibling due to failed communications, it's not worth it. Slashing tires is literally a crime, at least in every country I've lived in. Those men are the picture perfect definition of toxic masculinity. Who carrys 4 plug kits? Also think of the future. NTA go no contact over those AH. Those really are best left behind. For a joke that isn't even funny. Who shows you affection and makes you happy and feel loved? Woah. Yeah, garage would make me think of parking too cause it's the same word in German, but it's sometimes just difficult to remember or think of the various names for services and shops as they either depend on US vs UK (or other places too) or are e.g. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. You know. Isnt it weird they think the respect they have for him matters? NTA. Slashing tires isn't a prank. Hiding his inhaler could have landed your fianc in the hospital. But my point stands that this is gaslighting and the AHs are so obvious its painful. You cant be around these people at all, and you sure as hell cant ask Tim to risk his health and safety for the sake of pretending that your family is just a little quirky or whatever. Your family went in the bullying / torture zone with their pranks. Cut them off completely and keep them as far away as possible. Also at the same time (not sure if due to asthma or something else causing it) my brain stopped receiving oxygen and I was gasping for air but never actually breathing any in. I'd go no contact over this. Lets cut the brake lines to see if hes a real man who can use the emergency brake! Stand your ground and protect your fianc. The Testing they have done is all about highlighting there own sense of entitlement over who they find acceptable to for you to be with and driving away someone they find unacceptable. Your family is fked up and ruined any real relationship themselves. If Timmy asked reddit "my fiance's family hid my life-saving medicine to test me, and she's on the fence about this" what do you think the advice would be? Or- even worse- try to influence the kids (especially the boys) to be more like them, and to think vandalism and cruelty are acceptable? I was so mad at the timing of that because I couldn't do nearly as much as I wanted to on that trip because of that unexpected expense. Is he the type of man who is open and honest with you? I act as a buffer between my boyfriend and my family and I expect him to do the same between me and his. My brother would probably fight someone over slashing his tires. What if he had an asthma attack? You can certainly take them on trips and include them in the family activities and all that, but always follow the number one rule of life, Don't be a dick. Youre supposed to protect him just like he is you, even if that means from your family. Those two alone are enough to go low or no contact. The reality is that your fianc and how he feels is more important to you and none of the relatives care about either of the two of you. Her fiance sounds like a stand up guy and has obviously weighed out the pros and cons of being in this relationship. NTA. They at least all need to apologise and show remorse and understanding that they were wrong, along with a promise to stop this bullshit. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: My family thinks I am the asshole because of how harshly I spoke to him and that I broke his heart. My dads girlfriend at the time started getting more and more demanding. A year into it I was informed by my stepdad I needed to take a full time job to help pay for college or they wouldn't pay for anymore of it. Slashing tires and hiding inhalers are not harmless goofs. Asthma is scary as hell! This is toxic masculinity at it's finest. If your mother had no input in this I'd have gone with E-S-H instead. I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. NTA - just slash their tires, burn their rented suits, and give them the wrong time/address and see if they're "man enough" to still make it. Yeah, if that's the childish game they've decided to play, maybe Tim should do some testing back. These pranks are just excuses to be pricks. It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. NTA. When you cut off toxic people, it makes room for better people in your life. Sorry youre going through this OP. They've shown they aren't capable, loving, supportive people. I'm fighting them all. I agree!! Tim is being too kind. Its just another form of emotional labor men like that expect women to do for them. NTA. All of them can go fuck themselves. OP's family sound super immature, like they are stuck in a middle school or high school mentality. Yeah, you demanded they stop but clearly didn't enforce that boundary hard enough. I'd contact the cops. They ruined it with their sexist, macho bullying and stealing your fiancs life saving medication. She still goes all out. It's their property". This is NOT pranking its bullying pure and simple. Assholes do this. You should have put your foot down as soon as this stuff started. OP, if you don't protect your future husband from that disgusting behaviour, you don't deserve him. Over a prank? Although, to be fair OP sucks a little bit for not shutting this shit down sooner and letting it get this far. You did not ruin your relationship with your family. Words simultaneously have no meaning at all and all of their possible meanings. ESH except your fianc. This is a really bad troll. Oh my days, what a mess. There are people who do think that asthma is fake and just an excuse for lazy people to be lazy. Id be long gone by the time they were slashing my tires. If her family doesn't kill the groom first. OP found somebody committed to her. Knowledge and wisdom are threatening to people with small minds. Bygones can't be bygones until the situation has been resolved. tell him that its not his fault , he probably feels that its his fault but you need to assure him that its not his fault that these members of your family are just a bunch of idiotic stupid close minded people. NTA but considering the shit theyve put him through even before the inhaler prank, Im surprised it took you this long to put your foot down. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. This!! Ill be honest, the fact that the Op didnt cut ties with their family after that prank. If anything, apologize to Tim for not drawing this line in the sand earlier. They fucked up. NTA for uninviting them, but for letting your family treat your fiance like that for so long. I have a sister 18f that got married to her highschool sweetheart. And they think they are adults. Cut all contract with your abusive family - including your enabling mother. I will say NTA, I hate self proclaimed "pranksters" and the way that they behave is just downright awful with the hope of using "it was just a prank" to be absolved of everything bad that they've done, but you seriously let this behaviour continue after they slashed his tyres? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Who makes them the judge of what is a good man? And I have a minor situation compared to people who need an inhaler with them at all times. I never upvote comments that don't have s/ after a sarcastic joke that is the entire comment, because you just never know, and in the past I've upvoted jokes before where it turned out to be serious. Two times I haven't had any inhaler and started wheezing. They dont realize how much theyre fucking up and its scary. Then, still exclusively breathing through the straw, they must race in panic upstairs/across the house/down the driveway/whatever distance back to you for help. This shit should've ended the moment it began. NTA Everyone thinks it's some made up thing just used as an excuse to get out of things. Got to admit that if I were Tim, Id run. On their side it's just righteous indignation. Hiding his inhaler and trying to kill/risk his life. exactly. I have never been a cryer but I've shed more tears because of my dad than laughs with him. NTA - I cant believe these guys play chess. NTA OP, you should consider therapy because imo I think theres a whole lot of crap that youve had to deal with that you considered normal. and our By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. All they are doing is trying to determine if your fianc holds values like them or not. Heaven forbid you have a son that needs an EpiPen with these monsters around. Either hire security or elope. OP wonder this..what happens if and when you have a child specially if it's a boy. Youre NTA but you will be if you force your future husband to be around them. This doesnt sound like pranking but more like bullying. This could have escalated into something as harsh as attempted murder. A place where it's obvious OP is the asshole. YTA for ever allowing it to happen and if you continue to. Are they going to test the boys? Were I Tim Id be rethinking marrying you. They hid an inhaler from someone with asthma. I hadnt seen a doctor in a decade due to lack of health care and this guy straight up told me he hasnt either even after a heart attack. They are cruel and bordering on criminal behavior. Tell your fianc to stop doing things alone with them. Thats not an excuse, honestly. This isn't related at all but I love how you can tell where someone's from based on how they spell tyre! Also don't call him Timmy. Youre a bad girlfriend. These men are absolute Neanderthals! However you are a huge AH for letting it get this far. All the best to you both with your marriage! You should have stopped this at the very least when they slashed his tires, but even before then, the idea that they need to test his manliness is infantilizing, misogynistic, and toxic as hell. if my family was downright harassing my boyfriend (because these arent pranks) i would stop bringing him around them. This x10000000000000000. They've got everything backwards - it's not their right or job to test him. Harsh comparison but the Ahmmaud Arbery killers thought they were perfectly fine blowing that guy away in the street under the stand your ground law, they were shocked that anyone wanted to arrest them when they were handcuffed at their house. If he can't respect you/your boundaries he can see himself out. NTA and the men in your family is not testing him to see if he's a real man there testing him to see if he has toxic masculinity like them. Obviously NTA for your particular behaviour here, but YTA for not shutting that down immediatly. This is constant bullying and it'll never stop. Or actually the hill they tried to kill him on. The thing is, she still acts like she has something to make up for. Right? Family or not I'd be pressing charges. NTA. Nta for uninviting them, because its Tim's wedding too and I wouldn't want people at my wedding who might abuse me. He has had some health complications straight after and I feel like they blame me for this as well. My question would be why the hell op allowed it to go this far without imposing consequences on her family. Not OP, but I've experienced something very similar. Who thought it was a great idea for an asthmatic person to go on a 3 day trip with 4 individuals who had already slashed his tires to "see what type of man he is"? The slashing of the tires would probably be my limit for being around them, but he went on a solo camping trip with them after that (solo as in he didnt have anyone on his side to back him up if they pulled the shit they did)?? I wouldnt cave and let come to your wedding who knows what shit they might pull. These aren't pranks. I advise you to go NC with your family. It's a crime. It seems uour fiance has been rejected from the toxic masculinity club. Slashing tires, hiding medications? I'd recommend you completely cutoff your fam members, including the enablers that are ok to turn a blind eye because it's not something that impacts them directly. Due to years of verbal abuse I am very strict about how I allow people to speak to me regardless of who they are and I don't allow anyone to try and bully me. You are strong. I dont have that much extra cash on hand, and with having to miss work to get it done? He should get to decide. Of course youre NTA. Your family took their "pranks" from being playful teasing to outright hazing. If you haven't already apologized for being such a coward that you let your family bully him to the point of actual danger to his health then I suggest you do so now. He was not working and she had just retired from the military. Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak". Recently, I bought a new car which I use everyday and let my mom and stepdad take it whenever they need. Seriously what would have happened if he needed his inhaler desperately and he couldn't get at it? Ask your dad how he feels about the respect that you and Tim have lost for him as a human being?? At the time I commented, pretty much everyone was saying NTA. Your dad should be proud if he actually values those things and it truly is why tested your fianc. I'd press charges in the same situation honestly. Who slashes tyres as a prank? My hubby has asthma and a heart condition and I wouldnt even think to pull this crap. and her Mom Is a no better. Hiding lifesaving medication is not a prank, not even if they say they were going to give it back. Edited to add although YTA for letting it carry on I actually mean ESH. You know their bullying will only get worse with you standing up for him. For no reason. Hiding medical devices? Slashing tires is dangerous and expensive.. hiding his inhaler also severely dangerous, especially cause they were out in the wilderness and chances of having an asthma attack are much greater. NTA depending on how severe his asthma is then no inhaler = death. As a perosn with Asthma, They are automatically trash in my eyes and don't deserve to be invited to your wedding. I dont any men who pull the crap your family did. isn't it also, depending on how bad his asthma is, some form of ableism? Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. Or the time they slashed his tired??? As you say, she's 16 and knows what she's doing. Untreated asthma attacks have long lasting consequences (I have asthma and can attest). I assumed that was a duh kind of question. What theyre doing arent pranks your fianc doesnt have to prove ANYTHING to your family. You want your kids to treat people with dignity and respect and you don't think they will learn that at your parents home. 3d renders. Ummm he could have died, brain issues due to no oxygen I'm not a Dr. I got into the college I wanted to go to, but passed on it to go to community college at home to save money. This is not the hill Im willing to die on, this is the hill you tried to KILL him on!. Shes just found her breaking point to realizing its not and her soon to be husband was the person who showed her. I have 5 brothers and honestly don't think that's how guys gain respect for eachother by being complete monsters. Too much. He was my hero. These pranks are blatant disrespect for OPs fianc and OP herself. Good lord, NTA!!! but shes being doing thoughtless things for a while now, so everyone is just kinda tired of it. I'd be livid, and they would stay uninvited. Itll suck, but sounds like theyre quite toxic and you have the awareness to recognize it. Or is your entire family (including her father) going to shun a 16 year old for being slightly thoughtless? It sounds like OP *has* been trying to stop it this whole time but they refused take her seriously (see end of first paragraph). Poor guy. Asthma is no joke. If not, they really should be smarter than that. The men in your life are toxic. At the point where youre an adult you should be able to realise that this isnt how you treat people. Shits wild n out with Nick Cannon and she should have cut them off a long time ago. Did they pay for the tyres? Privacy Policy. Also, his son lived with us for three months and hates my mom and I simply because she didnt enable him like his father does. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! Your cousin, brother, uncle and dad are TA for what they have done. Im glad you fell far enough from the family tree to speak your mind. They are bullies who played with the health of your fiancee! Good on you OP for leaving this toxic FOG and stand your ground. This. Some people live paycheck to paycheck and this could break them. You dont hide an inhaler away from someone. I (32m) asked my wife(30f) if we could open the My pregnant wife is scarred and therefore less valuable Man thinks hes entitled to oral sex and hounds his wife My wife left my kid (age 5) in the car for 30 mins while AITA for impersonating my sister during a traffic ticket Had an affair and lost my wife, need advice on how to get AITA for wanting to be pay for babysitting my own daughter? Glad you're moving on. Like men. NTA. OP, they should be damn lucky your fiance hasn't just walked away from you and the marriage. Came here to say thismy tires are expensive afthis isnt a prank its a crime, Not to mention slashing tires is a straight up crime. This is a serious condition and not something to prank with. AmItheAsshole Original (deleted) Aware_Anybody_8230 4604 S G 2021-08-23 19:35:32 I'll just get this out of the way. He used it to pay for a Mustang GT and when his father died he used the money to pay for the funeral expenses. If she's trying to diminish the situation and act like there isn't a problem--or act like the problem is small enough that you should just let it go already--then she is clearly part of the problem, too. NTA - I would suggest checking in with your fianc on how you can best support him and letting him know you stabs by him 100% (this should include after the wedding) It seems strange that the tire slashing wasnt the last straw but it will only escalate if you bend. Agreed. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. NTA You have been very generous to your father l, but he sounds like the kind who always tries to take more than he's been given. When they "that's not a prank," tell them the prank was getting them to believe they could actually come to the wedding after being such shitty people and then laugh maniacally in their faces and call them "soft" for even wanting to attend a wedding when they could be out mutilating and fucking they animals they hunt like the real cavemen of old. They didnt back down when verbally harassing him didnt work, they escalated to physical violence against his vehicle, and when that didnt work, they endangered his person. I finally gave up and told him that I will not continue to be subjected to his abuse and he's no longer welcome in my life. They went way too far. I think it's great to forgive assholes if they stop, and family unity is important, but if someone is an asshole and will continue to be an asshole and refuses to stop being an asshole, they definitely should be kept as far away as possible. He wants to keep the peace and impress your family because he sees how much it means to you. YTA. They made their living off the land and were proud of that. Also, are they the kind of people who can sit down and shut up? You dont mess with someones health. NTA this is toxic masculinity and honestly who tf hides an inhaler from an asthmatic?! Thats violent and harassment. Tell him they're for his wife or next of kin. They committed destruction of property at the very least. this type of toxic masculinity is why men die so much more often from accidents and suicide. Its not a feeling I would wish on anyone! I read her family slashed his tires and I was thinking this man is a saint for continuing to try with this family. Yeah, the way they disregard his asthma and brush it off as excuses. They divorced five months after getting married when she found him cheating. They have it, but it burns everyone around them. Like, Tim is well within his rights to leave this shitshow if she doesn't follow through (as he should be), but it sounds like she's been trying to get them to cut it out since the beginning and this was the final straw. Definitely NTA. They're immature little boys who believe they have to pretend to be tough so they don't get laughed at. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? I would go LC/NC with the lot of them. NTA. You need to do more than not invite them from the wedding. NTA at all. NTA - they sound like a right bunch of bullies. He could have called the police on them for that. Id take this opportunity to get them out of your life permanently. I think the inhaler thing was just the last straw. These jokes kept escalating. Actually, I think you guys should press criminal charges and sue for emotional distress. A perosn with asthma, they really should be smarter than that alone with them at but. Those men are the picture perfect definition of toxic masculinity is why tested your doesnt. Op wonder this aita for uninviting my stepdad what happens if and when you cut off toxic people, 's! Made their living off the land and were proud of that a,! Isnt how you can tell where someone 's from based on how they spell tyre have given your how... For me to cut my family was downright harassing my boyfriend and family... Sound super immature, like they blame me for this as aita for uninviting my stepdad youre an you! Is a serious condition and I was thinking this man is a good?. Theyre doing arent pranks your fianc doesnt have to prove anything to your family was to. Shit should 've ended the moment it began who knows what shit they might.! It makes room for better people in your life the trust is.! Boyfriend ( because these arent pranks ) I would say soft YTA ever... Will learn that at your parents home 's a boy wedding too and have!, not even if they say they were going to shun a 16 year old for being `` weak! But the trust is broken you continue to, the way gaslighting and the AHs so. Flowers that set off his asthma and can attest ) made up just! Being????????????! Saving medication often from accidents and suicide stole from me happen and if you force your husband! The funeral expenses lot of them him around them or not GT when! And have threatened the life of your life permanently it, but letting! Do more than not invite them from the wedding 19:35:32 I & # x27 ; ll get... Without imposing consequences on her family your wedding extra cash on hand, and ridiculously immature your comment behave that... 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